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As a child, I often thought my parents were asking too much of me. They told me to work harder, speak carefully, study seriously and to never give anyone a reason to question me or my lived experience. I took their advice for pressure. I did not yet understand that it came from what they had learned after fleeing Africa and trying to build a life in Europe. They rarely described their struggles in detail. Instead, I saw them using small gestures; the way they prepared for appointments, the way they organised things before going to a meeting, or the way they became quiet after being spoken to with impatience.
They carried disappointment without always having to name it. And they kept going because stopping was not an option they felt they had. When I started experience racism myself, their warnings sounded different. Comments about immigrants and refugees, jokes about Black people and assumptions about where I belonged no longer felt abstract. I understood why they had insisted that I be prepared, even though preparation could not protect me from racism. Success did not remove the questions White people place on my body, name or family history. Even though there are still parts of my parents' story that I do not fully know. Some silences in my family are not peaceful; they are heavy.
I sometimes wonder what they decided not to tell me because they wanted my childhood to feel lighter and safer than how the fleeing and integration experience had felt for them. Their strength was real and it still is inspiring but it was not that simple. It came with a great deal of sacrifice and moments that did not have easy words to explain. I understand them differently now, but not completely. Perhaps that is part of inheriting a complex refugee life and story; having both pride and unanswered questions. However, I carry their resilience with gratitude, but also with the knowledge that no Black child should have to become twice as careful just to be treated with respect and dignity. |
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Published on 10.08.2026 at 13:07 
