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When I was in high school, I was often made fun of because of my hair or how I talked and I would be mixed up with other Black girls; White people thought that we all looked the same. By the time I became a teacher in my mid-20s, I started to struggle with coming across as “too Black,” which in my mind was connected with not being professional, “the White way.” And I was also struggling with “sounding too Black,” signalling that I had negative thoughts associated with people of African descent’s dialects of speech. The internalised messages that became harmful to my racial socialisation and Blackness.
whenever I had a presentation at work or I did professional presentations I always struggled with how my natural Black hair would be judged or invisibly made fun of; like if I should wear or take my weave out if I had one at the time. And whenever I was teaching, I wore my glasses. I could of course have my contacts on all day long, but when it was time to teach, I felt like I had to put my glasses on because I thought I would come across as professional and that it would make White students in my class take me more seriously. And I could barely talk as my true self because I was so focused on not coming across as too Black and sounding too Black. My struggle with internalised racism.
It wasn’t until my late-20s that I really started to love myself for who I’m as a Black woman. This happened because of the people who understood my struggle that I met in my now appreciated Black community; especially when I became interested in the legacy, heritage and experiences of people of African descent in Europe. As I reflect on my life today, this is something that causes great sadness because of the time I lost not loving this part of myself. Yet today, I have a great deal of pride and joy in my Blackness as I recall the things that helped love my Black identity, things like participating in Black cultural events and being affirmed by other Black women for my Black skin and hair. |
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Published on 20.07.2026 at 11:41 
